A year ago I became very ill and I also developed narcolepsy. I had to make rapid changes in my life, resign from my job as a crisis nurse, and I was going to have to stop driving. My ex-husband and I had been friends for years. He extended an invitation for me to relocate from Virginia back to Minnesota and to house share with him. So I chose this option.
I left a career, a cottage that I had redone, friends, the ocean, mountains and so much more, so there were a lot of losses. No longer being able to drive was also a life changing event and a huge loss.
On the positive side, I was able to activate my retirement, I would be closer to my sons and grandchildren, and, I was going to be given a lot of time to pursue some things I had not had time for earlier in my life.
I had conversations with Amy Long regarding the seminary program and what courses to take. Finally I decided one of the courses would be Spirit Quest. I was going through losses, changes, and it would be a wonderful time to explore different coping methods, to further explore my own spiritual journey, and to also sort out old wounds, traumas, and or dysfunctional behaviors I had created a long this life journey. Since I was no longer going to be able to do many things I had done for so long, it was great time to set new goals based on the many changes and to explore what options I would now have to work with.
I had not realized how deeply the Spirit Quest Course would take me, how deeply I would journey to the past traumas of my life. I had not realized how I would learn to see how those traumas and the dysfunctional coping behaviors I had created were the dark shadows and the demons of my nightmares or how I would learn the new tools taught in this course in how to release what was no longer serving me or my spiritual journey.
One part of this course teaches how to use roses, how to create the image of a rose in our mind, then how to put an unwanted thought, memory, experience, negative energy, negativity that someone else was sending at me, and more, into that rose. Then you blow up the rose. The course also taught how to create grounding cords, which connect one with the earth, which can bring the grounding, healing, constant connection to our earth mother and all the strength and nurturing this will bring. We are also taught how to bring in the golden light from the sun into our space and energy.
These tools become the vehicle that a person can use to travel down those "memory lanes" of trauma, exploring the wounds, the traumas, hurts, or what ever dysfunction that a person may have on that journey. Soon the method becomes easier and easier to use.
As I traveled this path and used the roses, I began to notice how much more quickly I was able to really identify problems, how I was no longer afraid to see them, and how when I did find them, I could then make a choice what I wanted to do with that specific problem. Often that problem would go into a rose and I would explode the rose. I stayed grounded, then brought in the sun and light to heal that energy space, my heart, my child, my mind and emotions and most important, my spirit and or my relationship with my spirit.
As I journeyed these past 8 months through this course, I was also beginning to see how what I was learning affected my relationships and or challenges in the present in increasingly healthy ways. The more of the old dysfunctional behaviors and ways of reacting were being released, the less I needed to be reactive to what some one else was doing or saying, or with their behavior. My objectivity was increasing.
I was also losing the triggers that had been so much a part of my life. So often some thing would trigger a memory, a reaction, an emotion, and these things and their patterns were deeply ingrained in my life. In doing the releasing, the triggers were disappearing as well. Or if I was triggered, I could pop the event that had triggered me into a rose and then take the time to explore the event, then blow up the rose, and bring in the healing light and, of course, I would have stayed grounded with the grounding cord during all of this.
As all of this was occurring, I soon discovered how much easier it was becoming to remain calm when some one else was acting out or sending negativity my way. I was finding I had better sight and better protection, which increased my objectivity with that person or event. What I was learning helped me have clear and more rational thought, and an increased ability to not react, rather, to take the moment to explore what was really going on with that person. Often what was going on had nothing to do with me, other then I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and that person was looking for some thing to dump their anger or frustration on.
So it was becoming easier not to own the other person's reaction, not to react to their behavior, and it became easier to allow them the right to own their problem and reaction. With this skill increasing, it also became easier to, if I chose to do this, assist the person with calming, exploring what their real problem was, and then helping them explore options they could use to manage their problem in a more positive and healthy way.
In these past 8 months additional skills continued to build on the new skills I had been learning. Boundaries were also affected, the ability to create healthier boundaries, the ability to calmly set healthier boundaries, the ability to more clearly state my own needs and what was comfortable for me was increasing.
On the opposite side of this, was growing comfort in knowing the gift of compromise, of more calmly being able to see the other person's point of view or their needs. One example of this is my ex-husband likes more open spaces and does not like clutter. I loved clutter, had lots of collectables, books, art, etc. and had always had these things out about where I could see them.
This was a point of friction between my ex-husband and I in the beginning. Finally one day, I was able to really step into his shoes, understand his perspective, and then I was able to more clearly honor and respect his needs. I chose then to really de-clutter and to really make choices about what I could and needed to release from my life. I got rid of clothes, paintings, art work, books, and so much more. I took time with my things, my collectables, tried to find homes for things that I knew other people might need. I said goodby to so many things.
When it was all over, I discovered how much freer I felt, how it seemed a huge burden had been lifted off of me and how the tremendous chaos piece of my life was being diminished.
There is so much more to this course that I have not even touched on. I would encourage any one that is facing change, or facing the need to change, to explore this course and the many gifts and tools it brings.
At the end of these 8 months, there has been so much clearing on every level of my emotions, memory, spiritual, and even with the things in my physical environment. Clutter on any level comes between us and our Spirit, our Spirits, and the Creator.
The name "Spirit Quest" implies we are going on a search for our Spirit. Before I could go on a search, the course had me getting rid of things. I finally realized that all of those things had been blocking my view and connection with my Spirit. I did not need to go any further to search for my Spirit..........I just need to get rid of stuff.
I wish to thank Amy Long for creating this course and her willingness to share so much of herself, her own journey, and her life. This course has been a wonderful gift to me, my life, my Spirit, and, to those that are in my life and love me. Not only is it easier for me to be with them, it is now much easier for them to be with me.
Thank you for allowing me to share this with you.
Rev. Victoria Hogan
